Earlier today I mentioned in a post that I started suffering from depression and anxiety during my teens but never knew how to talk about it with family.  This poem came as a result of what I was feeling and how I wished I could have made my struggles known.  It was in my 30’s that I finally started talking about it and realized it did not need to be a secret any longer.

 

It begins with my heart racing

And I feel the pressure forming deep inside

My words and tone get harsher

I just want to go away and cry.

I can’t put a voice to the feelings

My thoughts aren’t rational, I know

There is a sense of anger and anxiety

And all my frustrations show.

You tell me to just be happy and

Think it’s as simple as that

When I really want you to let me vent

And say you have my back.

I really hope you know I realize

That she does watch my every move

And internalizes all of my actions

Yes, this does make my guilt grow.

I really do try to get help

And talk these feelings through

The pills they help occasionally

But I really just want understanding from you.

Please don’t take this that you’ve failed me

It’s not a reflection of our relationship

This has been a struggle for me for many years

But it’s only now I let the facade slip

It is going to be a process

Something we both must learn more about

Yes, I struggle with depression

It’s a secret I must let out.

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